you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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