hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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