I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize