Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
