I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
