She said her name was "party"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
