You just made me feel so damn special
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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