at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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