youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
