I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
