we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize