Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
