i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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