So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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