Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
