i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
