I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
