How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
