Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
