He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
