Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
