Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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