Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
