You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
