I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
