Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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