oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
