the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
