My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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