woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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