Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
