Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
