Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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