yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
