took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
