i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize