I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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