Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
