He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
