I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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