He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize