you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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