i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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