I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize