dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
