i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
