You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
