i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How does it feel to date your dad?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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