He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
