the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
