Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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