I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
