I can tuck mytits in my pants
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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