yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
