I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
People in love make me want to vomit
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize