sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
