you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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