My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
