i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
