at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
