yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
