I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
