DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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