Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
