Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
