You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
