Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
