Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
