so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize