pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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