Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
