The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
