taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
