I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
